Why is it that we always need to tell someone? I mean, if you don't do it when it happens, we all know you'll do it later. People just can't keep things to themselves. If you don't tell it, you write about it, you think about it so much that you always end up talking about it, even if you get to that subject unconsciously.
And if it was that way, it's because you really needed to get it out. And that's my question, why?
Do we need approval? Do we need an opinion? Do we need to feel that we trust someone? Do we really need them to know? Do we need to see their faces when we tell them?
Really, what is it? Because I can't figure it out, but I still can't keep it to myself, like everyone else. I try, I really do. I don't see the point to it.
I remember I spent some time without telling almost anything to anyone. That was the time that I used this blog more than ever. Because I still felt like I needed to get it out. Even if nobody reads it, or gives a comment, a suggestion. I knew nobody was reading it, and writing about it made me feel so much better.
And I know how sad it sounds, but when I went back and read it, it was like I was telling all that to myself, so I could think about it from another point of view. So at the end, it's like I DID tell someone. Me.
And of course, that's when the "blame" comes in. Because "why did I have to say it?". At least, when I told everything to myself, I didn't feel like I didn't care, because I did. But when I tell someone else, I KNOW for a fact that they don't care. Unless it affects them in any way. And when it gets away from me, I can't keep it in anymore and it gets out, I feel like I shouldn't have said anything, because it was pretty much pointless. The only thing I accomplished is my satisfaction, because at first I feel a little better that I could tell someone. But then I feel exposed, that someone else knows too much and that they didn't really care, so why did I waste their time? Now I made them think I'm even more annoying and irritating, and I make such an effort for them not to think that way...
1 comment:
ok...I just got off the phone with, I just wanna let you know that it makes me really happy (you have no idea how much) the fact that you know, or that you are starting to realize, that you can count on me for whatever, go out, have fun, just sit and listen to some music, talk to me, or just do nothing and just enjoy each other´s company. It means a lot to me everytime you come tell me something thats on your mind, and the fact that you share it with me, I know how much effort its to you, and Know I feel very lucky to be one of the people you turn to, I think you are a great friend, and Im not just saying this, and the ones that do not see that, they are just missing the benefit of knowing an incredible person. Thnx a lot for being my friend, I love you a lot, and thnx for always being there for me, I´m very blessed for having you as a friend, so thnx Sophie for being my friend...
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