I'm my own Sherlock Holmes right know. Trying to find the little detail. I have my magnifying glass right here. And I'm analysing everything that happened. But I just can't find it. I studied every move, every word and person. It didn't really happen much. I mean, I almost didn't do a thing. Only, that Friday night... it was disturbing. But I don't really think that's it, I've gone over and over it in my mind, and I don't see anything wrong with that. It was bound to happen, and it wasn't even that bad. It could have been so much worse. I mean, I didn't even get robbed. I ALMOST did. It was just a scare. A scare that I deserved by the way. I needed it. So it wasn't really that troubled. And I'm not traumatized about it. It has to be something else. There is something that's bothering me and I just can't see what it is. And I'm going inside myself, deeper and deeper. Like someone just opened my torax with a scalpel. And in we go. We start moving things from our way, just like in "Dear, I shrunk the kids!", because of course, I'm really tiny and getting in a huge body. And I'm making my way through it, with a spaceship, going directly (with nitro) to my memory. Yeah, I guess I'm not Sherlock Holmes anymore. So, I'm heading towards my mind, and I still can't find anything. Was it him? Was it that moment? Was it her? Is that it? Is it? I'm not sure. I'm never sure. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I was just thinking... I'm like peeling an onion. Wow, I just realized what Donkey said, on Shrek. He said that Shrek was like an onion because he was all layers. Now I got it. So then, I'm an ogre. What a conclusion...

To share or not to share

If I had to count them, I'd say I probably have about 10 secrets. Only 2 or 3 are one of those really secret, that I would never be able to tell ANYONE. Those are the ones that you imagine yourself telling to others, to plan the different scenarios, depending on how they react. I don't think there could be a person that never thought of this. Everyone has secrets. And some people have secrets that they don't even want to face. It's such a huge secret, they don't even want to think about it. It's too embarrasing perhaps? Too evil? Cause, it could happen. This totally relates to another of my comments about how we never completely know ourselves. There's just some thoughts that we have, that make you think "WTF?! How can I even think something like this?!". And that's exactly the moment when that thought became a secret. Because, of course, if it's surprising for yourself, you could never tell someone else. But you will think about it. And picture the situation, how you would say it and how the other person would react. And we evaluate all of the odds, you end up thinking "of course I'm not gonna tell him anyway, I couldn't, what would he think about me?!". Well, here's the deal. He would probably think the same thing YOU are thinking. If it is actually an evil thought, they'll think you are evil. They will find out that you've always been evil and that you could kill them at any moment now... If you had a dirty thought, they'll just think you are weird. Usually, this ones are allowed, because everyone knows that everyone has dirty thoughts. But what if it was something really awefull? Something so disgusting, or so prohibited? Something that could never happen. Something that you don't really know how it makes you feel, you don't really understand why you're considering it. But it's there, it's in your mind. And it's stabbing little knives in your brain, screaming at the top of it's lungs "RELEASE ME!!!". And it tortures you everyday. The more you want to stop thinking about it, the more it hurts. You have to let it go, just tell someone. But why is it so hard to keep your own secrets? Why do you need to let them go? To get someone else's opinion? Just to see how they react? Maybe you just want to make sure you're not crazy. I mean, there has to be a reason why someone can't keep a freakin' secret!!

Nothing is impossible

A veces la gente se encapricha con las cosas más ilógicas. Es difícil pensar objetivamente la mayoría del tiempo, casi siempre vamos a necesitar a un tercero que nos ayude a ver las cosas de afuera. Si estás encaprichado, es todavía más difícil. Es una obsesión, algo que se necesita o se quiera hacer, no importan los riezgos o por lo que se tenga que pasar para lograrlo. Cuando nos ponemos una idea en la cabeza, no hay más alternativas. El problema es cuando no se puede cumplir. Uno va a hacer lo posible e imposible, pero a veces no se llega, y tenemos que pasar por sobre otras personas, lastimar a otras personas, convencerlas de que lo que queremos es lo que hay que hacer, o tener. Por más que otros digan que no, uno no ve otras opciones. Hay un solo camino, y es el que nosotros queremos. Si no podemos cumplir ese capricho, viene la decepción. Y encima de todo, la frustración y la impotencia. Maldita impotencia. Porque es la peor, nos hace pensar que TIENE que haber otra forma, pero cuando no la hay, queremos desatar la furia con algo, o alguien. Obviamente, el foco de desahogo siempre es el equivocado, porque se pierde el juicio. Echamos la culpa a cosas que no tienen nada que ver, porque nos volvemos ciegos. Si no alcanzamos lo que queremos, somos capaces de cualquier cosa. Pero al fin y al cabo, es un ciclo vicioso. Como todo. El problema es que todo se separa. Si intentacemos llegar a nuestra meta con pequeños objetivos, quizás todo sería más fácil. Pero, como dije, es tan complicado ser objetivo cuando estamos tan obsecionados. No vemos claro, confundimos sentimientos y motivos. Y todo vuelve a empezar. No pude lograr aquello, así que voy a tener que hacer lo otro. Porque, al fin y al cabo, todos tenemos una meta, un punto final al que queremos llegar. Un sueño. Por más tiempo que tenga que pasar, en el fondo sabemos que en algún momento lo vamos a alcanzar. Cueste lo que cueste, y haciendo lo que haya que hacer, todos llegamos en algún momento. O tendremos que conformarnos con lo que hay. Aburrida y triste conformidad.