To share or not to share

If I had to count them, I'd say I probably have about 10 secrets. Only 2 or 3 are one of those really secret, that I would never be able to tell ANYONE. Those are the ones that you imagine yourself telling to others, to plan the different scenarios, depending on how they react. I don't think there could be a person that never thought of this. Everyone has secrets. And some people have secrets that they don't even want to face. It's such a huge secret, they don't even want to think about it. It's too embarrasing perhaps? Too evil? Cause, it could happen. This totally relates to another of my comments about how we never completely know ourselves. There's just some thoughts that we have, that make you think "WTF?! How can I even think something like this?!". And that's exactly the moment when that thought became a secret. Because, of course, if it's surprising for yourself, you could never tell someone else. But you will think about it. And picture the situation, how you would say it and how the other person would react. And we evaluate all of the odds, you end up thinking "of course I'm not gonna tell him anyway, I couldn't, what would he think about me?!". Well, here's the deal. He would probably think the same thing YOU are thinking. If it is actually an evil thought, they'll think you are evil. They will find out that you've always been evil and that you could kill them at any moment now... If you had a dirty thought, they'll just think you are weird. Usually, this ones are allowed, because everyone knows that everyone has dirty thoughts. But what if it was something really awefull? Something so disgusting, or so prohibited? Something that could never happen. Something that you don't really know how it makes you feel, you don't really understand why you're considering it. But it's there, it's in your mind. And it's stabbing little knives in your brain, screaming at the top of it's lungs "RELEASE ME!!!". And it tortures you everyday. The more you want to stop thinking about it, the more it hurts. You have to let it go, just tell someone. But why is it so hard to keep your own secrets? Why do you need to let them go? To get someone else's opinion? Just to see how they react? Maybe you just want to make sure you're not crazy. I mean, there has to be a reason why someone can't keep a freakin' secret!!